hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
