I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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