I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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