I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
