I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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