he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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