i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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