Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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