she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
