just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
