This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
