I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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