you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
