Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
