I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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