That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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