I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
