So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
