Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize