Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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