i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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