You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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