dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
