He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
