Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
