You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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