So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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