We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
