She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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