do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
