I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize