i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
