Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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