Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
