ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
