I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
