so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
