We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
