the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
