Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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