This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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