You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
