i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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