I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
