No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
