Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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