i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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