so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
