this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
