i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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