Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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