We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
