Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is my gift to your gina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize