too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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