Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
