I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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