so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize