sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
