U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
