accomplished twins. life is a go
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
