It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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