Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
