He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
