They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
