so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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