Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
