I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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