i think i have herpe
just one?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
