Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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