I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
