I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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