Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
