It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
