we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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