the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
