I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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