Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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