I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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