My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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