ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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