i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i used baking grease as lip gloss
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
