Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
