I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
