when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we're so committed to being not committed
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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