i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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