I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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