My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize