I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
