Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
