oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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