are you still at the devil's house?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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