i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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