I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize