I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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