You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
