there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize