He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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